Let me give you the basics.
I met my SO (not my DH yet but we have intentions in that direction) Sept 2006. He advised me at the time that he was separated and had 2 kids. "Baggage," as he put it. I told him I wasn't afraid of baggage, and lo and behold we fell in love.
Fast forward 1 year, and I met the darlings, for all intents and purposes SD6 and SS4. Our first meet and greet took place at a relative's house amongst other relatives and kidlings, so I was introduced gently and gradually. SO, myself and his kids went to McDonald's afterwards and had dinner together. I've always been pretty charming with kids, so they took to me pretty quickly.
First time SO brought them to our apartment was around Christmastime, without me there (by design) so they could get used to Dad's new digs. (We had lived together at that point almost a year.) Then in January they slept over for the first time. Lots of fun!
Okay, fast forward a few months later, I'm not sure when, but I met BM for the first time. SO told me she was coming over to meet me, and I was all fluttery and nervous. Not that I cared what she thought of me! No, I was just worried that my mistrust for this woman would come through in my behavior somehow, and I (foolishly perhaps) wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. Not to mention the fact that I was somewhat uncomfortable with this woman stepping foot in MY house. But that's petty and beside the point...
Fast forward to October of 2007. BM got a boyfriend. Hooray! Up until this news, she had what could be considered bipolar behavior towards my SO...mean verbal attacks one day, desperate attempts to get back together with him the next. When she got a BF of her own, she started understanding my SO's point of view on some things, about moving on and what ultimately failed about their own relationship. So we all entered into a honeymoon phase of life for awhile. Kids were coming over about every other weekend, open communication, no bad blood on any side, flexible visitation...mind you, the divorce hadn't gone through yet.
Sometime early 2008, we find out, BM is pregnant. Oh goody. She served SO with child support papers, it's all good, she warned him ahead of time, it was all friendly, turns out he was giving her more than the state required him to pay, so she lost out in the end. But, it's still open communication, he pays for a lot of other things generously, child support payments are always on time. Happy happy joy joy.
Christmastime 2008, we get the kids for a week, BM and her BF have a baby, and everyone's in the hospital to celebrate...BM's mom and stepdad, BM's dad, my SO, myself, and his two kids...SO joked that he could go into the delivery room and demand, "Who is this man having a baby with my wife?!" Hardy har har.
February 2009, SO and BM decide it's time to poop or get off the pot, so divorce papers are filed, still friendly, no property or assets to fight over, joint custody decided, and in March they drove to the court together, the deed was done, he said to her "Congratulations!" and they had lunch together.
Too good to be true, right?
Right. *sigh*
A year ago, BM had advised SO that she and BF would probably move 50 miles away so they can start their life together. 50 miles is not unreasonable, SO thought, so okay, that sounds good. 6 months later, she admits to SO that she LIED, that it's more like 250 miles away.
WTF????
Okay, so he said that's out of the question, but I'll give you 100 miles.
Fast forward to a month ago.
No attempts (no REAL attempts) at finding a place within 100 miles were made, and BF wanted to talk to SO and work something out. The only picture that I got from that conversation was BF digging his heels and BM stamping her feet. (Figuratively, of course.)
I'll spare you the obnoxious details, but a month of back and forth between BM and SO have ensued, and she has gone so far to say that if he doesn't let her move 250 miles away, she will make sure he has NO relationship with his kids.
Being the big man that he is, my SO said, "I'm going to pretend you didn't say that," and hung up the phone.
A week ago, under advisement of numerous people, my SO filed papers restricting them from moving outside a reasonable distance. She's pissed. Now she's been playing games with his visitation, being conveniently unreachable for communication about drop offs and pick ups. When he advised her that she was being served, she said, "You're no longer welcome in my home, and you will only see your kids in your alloted times." Which hasn't been worked out officially, you see. It had all been about open communication up until that point.
Anyway, my SO's stress has been relieved somewhat by taking legal action, because his biggest fear was his kids moving four hours away. By taking action, he's fairly confident that he can get the court to limit them to 50-75 miles.
While his stress has been relieved, my stress has only begun.
My biggest problem with BM has always been the way she treats SO. When she verbally attacks him, it hurts ME. It goes straight to my gut. So now I'm pretty sure with her level of pissed off-ness, she'll bar no holds with her tongue and her manipulative games. I'm sure she's a great mother, and she does a thousand times better than I ever could. But she's a spoiled brat when it comes right down to it, and I'm told she always has been. And God help anyone that gets in the way of what she wants.
So the court date is set, but after reading a few blogs of other women in my position, my stress won't be over for a verrrry long time.
